Did it again.
We have gotten so busy with life…. blogging has taken a backseat. But, I miss it. And a friend inspired me to jump back in.
Lately, Maci has been happy. Happy to play. Happy to go for rides in the Dadda’s truck. Happy to go to ‘night night’. Happy to giggle with her sister. Happy to rock with Momma at night. Happy to dance. To splash in puddles. Er. Um. Take flying leaps, 2-feet at a time, and STOMP in puddles. Happy to eat cupcakes. Happy to wear yellow pajamas and pink tutus.
Everything she does, she does it big. She laughs. BIG laughs. Huge belly giggles and the widest smiles. She has taken her first-ever rides in those fun grocery carts at the store. You know, the ones with the fancy ‘car’ attached? Momma disinfects and does her best to not let the germ ‘crazies’ ruin the fun.
In her own words, ‘Maci happy!’
Her beautiful little mind works so fast. She is so creative and imaginative. Makes my heart happy.
We have our days – don’t get me wrong. Steroid weeks are ROUGH. And there are still some seriously unpleasant chemo side effects we deal with on a daily basis. Still have those fears buried deep – that resurface more frequently than I care to admit. Still have our hearts broken time and time again with every relapse, every set back, every time the ugly ‘c’ rears it’s ugly head in this small childhood cancer world we now live in.
But we have to have hope. Have to.
And really. Really. Life is good. We are blessed.
Our girl is talking up a storm. It’s surreal to be listening to her tell me full blown stories. Sentences. Remembering things and people and games and songs from days or weeks ago. Counting all on her own… fingers… cheerios… puzzle pieces. Singing her ABC’s. Singing everything! “Reading” (memorizing?) her favorite books to her little sister. Her favorite part of the day is afternoon dance parties with daddy. And she is braver and stronger than I’ve ever seen her…. running around the park, climbing on couches, and jumping off everything. Even took a ride down a sledding hill!
Baby, I love you!
“Momma. I not a baby. I Maci!”
Knife. in. my. heart.
No. no sweet girl. You are not a baby anymore.
but. you’ll aways be my baby, baby
“ok momma! i love you more!”
Her treatment continues to march on. Three weeks of home chemo. IV chemo monthly. 1 week of steroids. Clinic visits every other week for counts. REPEAT.
Her blood counts have been low…. too low. Docs are changing some of her chemo doses…. and we are seeing them at the clinic weekly. I have to keep repeating to myself that this is OK. They tell me it is OK. Normal. So it is.
We try to live everyday happy. Thankful. GIve her one more kiss. A few extra squeezes. Put the phone down and ignore that last text or the latest instagram picture. Focus on her and her sister. Enjoy these little people in front of us. Know every moment HOW VERY lucky we are.
Momma has been running here and there…. trying to get ready for the Chicago half marathon in September! We are getting a great team together… and have so much FUN planned! I get nervous every time I think about running that far…. but then try to think about how much that little girl has been through. I can do this much.
Let me know if you’d like to join us! We’d love to have you!
Check out teamcureit.com to register with us!
One request before we go. Please pray for a sweet little girl and her family from our clinic. Her cancer has relapsed… and she is now facing her second fight for her life. Our hearts are broken for her. But we know her strength. We’re all behind you Emily!
Hope all is well with you. We are so thankful for everyones support and love. And Maci sends big hugs and kisses your way!
J, M, Maci moo, and Sawyer <3